I've discovered a way to make myself fall sick.
drown myself in chocolate

For the past few days, weeks, months and even on NY day itself, I've really been through alot. I see all my friends happy, even if they are sad and going through alot, I would say, not as much as me.
They are around my age, yet they don't have too suffer that much.
Whereas for me, I've to go through so much, giving my love to the one who can say things like I only love myself when I've done so much.
Being called selfish for not being allowed to call smeone else sweet-nothings. Well, it seems pretty similar to sharing your boyfriend with another girl huh?
Continuing to deny even when I've already seen the truth with my own eyes.

Sometimes I just wished I could meet God face-to-face to ask him if this was one of his plans for me or simply, I've just made the wrong move. Giving in so much, committing sinful acts in this relationship is one of my most deepest darkest secret. I wish I hadn't take this path as it seems worse than the past. I thought I've found the right one and that the latter is committed as well. Seems like I have to reconsider on this issue, or maybe just grant my mom's wish of having a Thai/Chinese boyfriend in the future. I feel really hermit from this world and there's not much people I could open up my feelings to. Firstly because most of them hadn't been through all these shit. This particular guy whom I love ever so much took my love for granted, I don't deny that God has already gave him the best yet he still doesn't treasure this chance. It's leaves me nothing but speechless, feeling the pain in my heart.
-________________-

I LOVE THEODORE!!!; the one in green

to ros; this is...OURS

and to JEN;

I LOVE YOU MY DEAREST FRIEND !!!(:

Xmas this year was horrid.
Thou the gifts from my family was a WOW, but the treatment from you was totally out of this world.

Thank goodness there was Ros, if not I'll prolly be broken down into pieces by now.
I hope that I'll follow my mom back to Thailand next April for New Year.
And, results would be released next month and it's confirmed. Gives me the jitters..
I hope I'll pass and actually trying to be or rather positive about my results. GRRRR
And lastly, it's Nafa fine arts for me, I figures out plainly that and perfectly sure of what I want and only capable of nothing but designing. Oh well, my life has been planned this way and there's nothing much I can do about it.
I slept at 4am today and woke up at 230pm, finally broke the record of waking up after 12pm and my mom asked me to teach her how to use the computer and I swear I can never ever be a teacher in my entire life cos' teaching really gets me on my nerves, I wonder how did my father cope w being a teacher for over a span of 20 years, totally puts me off.

Summary of the activities for the past few days;

26th - town w ros
27th - so-called xmas party at www
28th - sentosa
29th - which is today, i stayed HOME

the gift for my mom

the gift for my mom again

spot my laptop(=

Steph,Joanne,Ros,Me

It's US

Our lives collide

parts of our lives

Going online everyday has already became a part of my daily routine
the reason why is a very good question;
SONY VAIO LAPTOP I received from my father earlier this month.
and, the best thing is, it's white in colour just like my sony cybershot.

I would consider myself as a lucky child, not bragging.
my best christmas gifts this year:
laptop
digicam

I have not settle my problem with my boyfriend yet.
Well, not exactly.
But, one thing for sure, I do hope that we would turn out fine.
I can't be having crushes on other boys out there when this matter has yet been settled. But sometimes due to circumstances, it really drives me into committing acts like these. Tell me who wouldn't? Especially when their relationship isn't working out that fine.
The word, L-O-V-E, is a very powerful word.
LUST in a relationship will never LAST, trust me.
Not saying that my relationship with him is all about Lust, just specifically stating the facts.
I was brought into this world, to love and to be loved in return.

**********************************************


Anyhoo, next week I prolly would be travelling to KL for the first time along with Wanzhen and a few other church peeps. I missed out all the fun I used to have in church and I do hope that this getaway would be essential, to clear my mind off things. My mind is already so polluted with sins and shits, anymore junk would pose a danger to my body. HAZARD WARNING!!!
My portfolio is currently undergoing procession, in case you don't know, it serves as a backup plan for my Poly entry. I definitely want TP design, keeping my fingers crossed. If not, NAFA is another option. What to do? Reg's only good in drawing and doodling. Anyway, at work today, I encountered someone whom reminded me of those back-in-secondary-school-days. Oh well, what can I say when some people hasn't exactly grown up yet. Glad that I'm 18 already, and experienced in all these girl-to-girl conflicts, it's pretty much childish.