I've discovered a way to make myself fall sick.
drown myself in chocolate

For the past few days, weeks, months and even on NY day itself, I've really been through alot. I see all my friends happy, even if they are sad and going through alot, I would say, not as much as me.
They are around my age, yet they don't have too suffer that much.
Whereas for me, I've to go through so much, giving my love to the one who can say things like I only love myself when I've done so much.
Being called selfish for not being allowed to call smeone else sweet-nothings. Well, it seems pretty similar to sharing your boyfriend with another girl huh?
Continuing to deny even when I've already seen the truth with my own eyes.

Sometimes I just wished I could meet God face-to-face to ask him if this was one of his plans for me or simply, I've just made the wrong move. Giving in so much, committing sinful acts in this relationship is one of my most deepest darkest secret. I wish I hadn't take this path as it seems worse than the past. I thought I've found the right one and that the latter is committed as well. Seems like I have to reconsider on this issue, or maybe just grant my mom's wish of having a Thai/Chinese boyfriend in the future. I feel really hermit from this world and there's not much people I could open up my feelings to. Firstly because most of them hadn't been through all these shit. This particular guy whom I love ever so much took my love for granted, I don't deny that God has already gave him the best yet he still doesn't treasure this chance. It's leaves me nothing but speechless, feeling the pain in my heart.
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